1. Make your apology count.
It’s well understood that apologizing is a good thing but it only makes a real impact when you mean it. Saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you see it that way” are a waste of time and breath. Even if you don’t agree that your action was wrong, you will never successfully argue a feeling.
Accept that your mate feels hurt and from this place, a real apology can have a significant impact. When you love your partner and hurt them (intentionally or not) you can always legitimately apologize for the pain you caused regardless of your perspective on what you did or didn’t do.
2. Be willing to learn from each other.
The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.
Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply
4. Let go of expectations.
You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.
Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.
The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.
6. Keep your agreements.
Perhaps the single most important ingredient for a heart-to-heart relationship is the quality of trust. Over the years, we’ve seen more relationships come apart due to a breach of trust than any other single thing. How does this happen? Think about it. If someone says they will do something and then doesn’t honor their word, what happens inside of you? Will you more or less likely to trust them to keep their word if and when there is a next time? Less — of course!
Now, let’s raise the stakes. It’s one thing to trust someone to keep their agreement with you about something they have said they will do. It’s a whole other thing to “entrust” your heart into someone’s safe harbor only to discover that it’s not so safe after all. When that happens, deep bonds of trust are broken and it can take years to reweave the fabric of the relationship — if in fact you ever truly can.
These days, more and more people are becoming aware of the importance of looking to see whether someone’s words and actions match. Saying you care is one thing. Demonstrating your caring is another. Action is where to look for integrity and real value. By paying attention to the little things, you are building a relationship fortune that will pay dividends for years to come.
